Thursday, April 15, 2010

Introspection is not always a good thing

The blasted nausea and dizzy spells have me lying in bed for more hours than I like, every evening. Apart from a break from work, and time to read, I have been able to think and introspect. A lot. Which is not always a good thing. One of my introspection sessions led me to compose a list of random things about myself. And I decided to put it up for everyone to see. *Gulp*

Please note that the points listed below are just random things about me that came to my mind. The list, in no way whatsoever, represents who I am. Okay, so with that important bit of information in mind, you may proceed.

10 random things about me

1. I adore cats. I don’t know why I have this of all things on the top of my list, but here is it. I really wish I could have a pet kitten, one that my kids and I could cuddle and take care of. But considering the rest of my family’s aversion to pets, I don’t see that happening. And I am not an okay-I-guess-a-gold-fish-will-do kind of pet lover.

2. I hate messing up what I do. I know nobody likes doing things wrong, but I obsess with things that don’t go my way. From failed culinary attempts, not-good-enough writing assignments, bad shopping choices, to the inability to handle certain conversations, I grandly obsess and obsess about how I could have done it better. And in the bargain I drive my hubby crazy. He happens to be the opposite of me. He not only spews lines like, ‘Let the past go; move on,’ but he actually can move on. Okay, why am I writing about my him? This is supposed to be a list of things of me. Which brings me to point number 3...

3. I have the attention span of a 5-year-old. Even in the middle of an important assignment, I need to go and read someone’s blog or check my email. After half-an-hour of procrastination, I need to slap myself and say the word FOCUS three times, aloud. I am generally a good listener, but when the person on the other end of the phone starts prattling endlessly about things I don’t really need to know, I will drift off to la-la land.

4. I don’t believe a lie has a colour. White, black, grey, they are all lies to me. And if there is one thing I can’t stand, it is dishonesty. I realise that this is in stark contrast to the way the world works. Everyone thinks a tiny little white lie to make someone feel better is okay, right? I don’t.

5. I believe in the goodness of people. Despite the weight of evil crushing everything good and right in the world, I desperately cling to the belief that there in a glimmer of hope, of light, of goodness in every heart. I will still teach my children to be careful of trusting too easily (we’ve burnt our fingers too many times with trust), but I will also teach them to give the good in people a chance. Once I figure out how to explain this delicate balance. *Sigh* Thinking about this reminds me of what a cruel, untrusting, difficult world we have built for ourselves.

6. I always wanted to have four kids. I love the idea of large families, siblings growing up together, a noisy household, filled with love and fun and games, a big pot of chicken stew bubbling in the kitchen (did I read that in a book somewhere?), homemade pizzas on weekends, the six of us stuffed into an SUV, picnicking in the park... okay, you get the picture. But after having one hurricane of a child, I decided I didn’t really need to add to India’s burgeoning population woes. I was happy with a one-child family. A few weeks ago that changed as well. Ho hum. I just can’t seem to stick to my own plans.

7. I hate travelling. Don’t get me wrong. I love seeing new places. I love going out. I love trying out new flavours, experiencing new cultures, and all that jazz. But what I don’t like is the process of getting there. The main reason being - I have motion sickness. I’m sure I would get sick travelling by Floo network (Harry Potter) too.

8. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I can see many people who know me nod their heads at this and smile as they recollect the countless times I have embarrassed myself. Happy, sad, hurt, angry, touched, sick, hopping mad, flustered, cranky, nostalgic, bored (?!!), you name the emotion, and I have the tears to go with it. I know. Tch tch.

9. I have no sense of direction. I am horrible with maps. I can’t remember routes to places, unless I’ve been there at least 10 times.

10. I think ephemeral is a beautiful word, even though it means fleeting, transient, momentary, brief. I recently learnt that change, however scary or intimidating, is actually a wonderful thing and it always happens for a reason. Be it a job change, a friend moving out of your life, a death, a birth, change in lifestyle, whatever. Life teaches you to grow with change.

My list has more negatives than positives. That doesn’t make me feel any better. So much for introspection. *sigh* Best Blogger Tips

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  1. Great write up sumi!!!Introspection is not an easy task!!most of the times you need a best friend to slap you&tell you that you'r going wrong or pat you&encourage you for the good work.Most people don't seem to know their strength&weakness....You seem to know yourself well!!That's a great asset to evolve for the better.hugs.

  2. Thanks vids. It used to be quite difficult to write about myself, but I think age is catching up with me. :) Compared to, say, two years ago, today I can look at myself a little more objectively. I think that is an important thing for a person to do. *Hugs*

    I remember you used to write pretty well in college. Why don't you start a blog too? You can't imagine how good it feels to write. Try it! :)

  3. very true! well a matter of fact i do write.....trying to find some time for myself in today's fast paced life!In fact!one of our good old friends slapped me&told me vidhu its time to start doing something for yourself or you'll lose yourself in the crowd.anyways my url is

  4. YOu're also very self-critical :) I recognise it in others, just as I see it in me. I didn't see anything negative about your list. And I am so glad you put it up. We all huge voyeurs here and love reading about what goes on in other people's heads and lives :P how's the new one coming along?

  5. :D Self-critical? Am I? I didn't realise. But I don't see it as a bad thing. Better that letting your ego get the better of you, right? :)

    Yeah, I guess we all love reading intimate details of other people, things we don't readily express in normal verbal conversations. And it sort of feels good to bare your soul every once in a while. Similar to the exorcism you spoke about in one of your comments (the post on school). It can be quite liberating!

  6. The word introspection always brings to my mind a book, Absent in the Spring, written by Mary Westmacott (Agatha Christie).

    Introspection, I agree, is not always a feel-good thing. :|

  7. Ohh i loved this i wish i could be such a wonderful writer as you are.
    i am myself a highly introspective guy.
    and Emotions i must say is the most delicate issue while introspection.
    and i dont find any bad thing in your introspection its fabulous and you are too true to yourself which most people are not.
    As a matter of fact people lie more to themselves than the world.

  8. Focus Focus Focus - we'll say that to each other from now on!!! Count me in.

    About crying and directions, don't worry. Every second human on the planet is like that ;)

    4 kids? well..adopt me! i can save you 1 pregnancy!! :p

    Small attention span...tell me, what do you think of when someone is on with his/her tales? coz i start thinking of creative status messages on FB or twitter updates!!!

  9. @Visitor: Hey, thank for that. Now I know which book to read next. I'm a big Cristie fan!

    @Soulblogger: Welcome! I'm glad you liked the post. I just visited your blog... a romance story teller, huh? Pretty interesting. I'm going to be visiting your blog whenever I need some mushy romantic stories for mood lifting. Which will probably be often, considering my mood swings. :) keep up the good work!

    @Masood: Yes, the magic word is FOCUS! When I lose track of what the other person is saying, I usually start dreaming about what to eat, or what to cook, or what would my daughter eat today... yep... FOOD is what is hogging my thoughts! :)

    Oh, I would happily adopt you. Especially since I just read your post about a newly bought house, AND a house under construction, here in India. Muhahahahaha... *rubs hands in glee* :D

  10. You like cats? Not dogs :O :O
    You can't like them both you know!
    I like how your last couple of posts are so random. Screw you inspiration, I have random!

  11. Welcome notgogol! Yes, cats. I like dogs from a distance, is that okay?

    Oh, your comment makes me feel so much better. Yeah, screw you, inspiration. Writer's block/Randomness rules!

    Loved your last post, but didn't comment. Yes, writer's block hits me in the comments section too.

  12. I nodded to each of those random points..and the last point just blew me over. I have an affinity for the word Ephemeral.

    Liked your blog :) Keep writing

  13. Thanks S. I have not been writing for some time now but have been thinking about getting back. Then when I saw your lovely comment, I thought... now or never! :) I hope you enjoy the new post.