I wrote this post a few days before Zaid’s birthday but forgot to post it.
One year ago…
I had only one child. I didn’t think too much about the second one growing in my womb. Maybe because my daughter took up all my time and energy, I never got much time to ponder over what the second one would be like.
One year ago…
I was 9 months pregnant, and I knew this time was going to be different. I wasn’t scared and jittery. I knew exactly what I would be going through physically. The c-section, the pain, the recovery, the loss of control for a while, the needles… they didn’t scare me this time. I was thankful that I wouldn’t have the labour pains. But my fears were made of other stuff.. how would Zainab manage without me? How would the new baby affect her? How would I explain to her the baby’s need for Mamma’s time?
One year ago…
I wished for another daughter. I always missed having a sister and I wanted Zainab to experience it. I knew how it felt being a mom to a girl and I didn’t want unfamiliar territory. I even wondered, how does one change a boy’s diaper, with all that external plumbing?
One year ago…
I wondered how it would be possible to love another child as much as I love Zainab. I didn’t feel I was capable of it.
One year ago…
I realized the baby I was going to give birth to was going to be very different from Zainab. When I was pregnant with Zainab, my belly would do spontaneous dances. It would jump and twist and bounce in all direction, like she was having a football match in there. Even today when I see Zainab burst into song and dance or even into noisy tantrums, I think about how she was doing all this before she was born as well. But during the second time my belly didn’t jump and twist and bounce. I worried about it and spoke to my doctor. She said, “No two babies are alike.” And she was right. I guessed at that time that those gentle graceful movements, that felt like a ballet dancer in there, were hints that I was going to have a child with a temperament very different from the little rainstorm I already had.
One year ago…
I was lying in an operation theater. It was 8 in the morning (Bahrain time) and my husband was miles and miles away in India. My parents were waiting outside the door. My wonderful anesthetic (what an angel!) was talking me through the surgery and checking if I was as comfortable as a pregnant woman being operated on can get. I wasn’t jittery. I was as cool as a cucumber. Until I heard my son cry. Nothing prepared me for that moment. I’ve always felt bad that I didn’t feel very maternal and emotional the moment Zainab was born. The shock of the surgery and everything that preceded it seemed to overwhelm me so much, that I couldn’t place the maternal instinct within me.
But Zaid was a different story. Through eyes brimming with tears I saw my son, my beautiful little boy. And God whispered in my ear, “It is possible to love another child, isn’t it?”
One year ago…
I fell in love with a tiny, frail baby boy who seemed to throw up more milk than he drank.
Who slept in the day and stayed up all night (thankfully this lasted only a month, after which he slept like a baby all night).
Who had the most curious and beautiful black eyes. People having conversations enthralled him. They still do. He looks like he is absorbing every little syllable you are uttering (which is a scary thing, actually).
Who is crazy about his sister. Zainab is the only one who can have him splits by the merest sound she makes. From when Zaid was around a week old, we noticed that his expression changes when she is around, he is suddenly alert and excited. Today, he never misses opportunities to kiss and hug her or just be around her.
Who has the naughtiest little impish smile. He’s getting naughtier as he grows, but it’s so cute to see how he gets away with it all by flashing that disarming smile of his. *sigh* He is going to be a heart breaker for sure.
This Friday, my little boy turned one.
Happy Birthday, Sunshine! Thank you for lighting up my world every morning, noon and night. Thank you for the tiring workouts you make me do throughout the day, with all that crawling around and messing up you do, which is helping in keeping me slim and trim. There’s lots more I need to be thankful for, but let’s save that for another post.
Happy Birthday, my darling doll. May you always stay happy and healthy! Ameen.
Happy B'day to your baby boy Sumira :) He's one really good looking child.
ReplyDeleteSumi, this is so beautiful. You almost make me want to consider another baby :) God bless Zaid and Zainab with good health and happiness always. Namrataraheja
ReplyDelete@notgogol: Thanks! I'd love to say he takes after me... so let me say it. He takes after me. :)
ReplyDelete@Namrata: Go have that baby! :) How have you been? We need to meet over coffee someday.
wow!!!!!beautifully written!!!!though i ws in tears i enjoyed readin it!!!
ReplyDeleteAmeen indeed! Beautiful post, Sumira. Made me want to go hug my little one instantly. And happy birthday to the angel!
ReplyDeleteAww.. that was such an adorable post...
ReplyDeleteBelated birthday wishes to your li'l bundle of joy.. :)
Loved it... “external plumbing” wow!! 1 year back when Zaid was back home from the hospital and you struggled to change his diapers and i would pop in like an expert!Cant stop laughing.... his sprinkler going in different directions....Oh Zaid you are so cute Masha Allah!!
ReplyDeleteyour writing style is wonderful
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